SE Asia Travelogue #1 – Thailand

Hi Team,
 
I’m happily sitting in a nice air conditioned room while some dude chats away in French…kinda hard to write in English but we’ll see how it goes. 
 
Today has been a super long day.  We ventured forth on the public buses of Bangkok today to get ourselves to the crocodile farm a little ways out of town.  The air conditioning was wonderful and it was amazing to see how Bangkok goes on and on and on and on.  The crocodile farm was at once cute, disgusting, sad, and hilarious.  Best of all was the fact that it was a farm, zoo, and shooting range all in one!!!  Seriously, there were these teams of guys, racing through this little range, shooting at targets, while all these adorable families with tiny little kids were looking at the caged up and shadeless monkeys and tigers and hippos and, of course, crocodiles.  There were soooo many crocodiles.  Little ones, big ones, and a whole mess of mutant ones– ones without tails, with six legs, etc.  We got to watch a lot of them race over each other to get at some chicken carcasses.  Crocodiles are some blind mother fuckers– they couldn’t ever see the meat, just smell it, and they kept biting each other.  Oh yeah, we also saw a show where a couple of dudes stuck their hands and heads into trained crocodile mouths.  It was quite an experience.
 
Yesterday, things were a tad more normal.  We went to see the Teak Mansion (Rama the V’s palace), got lost in the bowels of the Chinatown (lots of Hello Kitty pens) and Indian neighborhood markets (lots of polyester), and ended up at this cute tourist trap mall where hipster Thai artists plied their wares and we forked up the dough to see an amazing puppet show.  A version of the Ramakini (sp) where the evil demon becomes evil and the great god becomes human.  It was fabulous.  Hard to explain in words but imagine three folks manipulating one puppet– one on the feet, one on the head and arm, and one on one arm– and then imagine that the three folks and the puppet are all moving in very stylized synchronized movements so when one person (or puppet) raises his/her leg, everyone raises his/her leg in exactly the same way.  Unbelievable.
 
Also unbelievable is the food, and it’s so much fun to procure.  We spend a lot of our days wandering by vendors selling stuff on the street, making weird pointing gestures, and (for me) asking ridiculously “jay?”  (vegetable)  to which I often get a “meat” or, more often, an actual sentence that I don’t understand.  Fortunately for me, I have Josh and Steve to taste the first bites of everything and check for meat.  It’s pretty fun and quite adventurous, although now we’ve got quite a repetoire of things we like– little sweet/sour things in green leaves, corn, fried scallion pancakes, and, of course, the ubiquitous and delicious sticky rice with mango!!!
 
What else can I tell you?  We went to see the green buddah and the grand palace.  It was quite grand and the king has a phenomenal collection of “guns and knives and killing things.”  Those of you who know about my secret penchant for People Magazine will understand just how into the royal family I am now.  I love looking at the pictures of them being given gifts by hill tribes, being presented with the new subway system, and playing the saxophone.  They’re so fascinating.  The queen has even invented six outfits that every Thai woman should wear.  I saw pictures of them in the Queen’s collection of ancient Thai silk– a pretty neat collection in and of itself.   
 
We rode the subway too.  It just opened.  Pretty cool system.  You get this little plastic token and touch it to a screen to get in.  It doesn’t quite measure up to the “T”, which as you may know, I love.  But it’s right up there. 
 
We also went to a sex show.  (Conservative cousins, don’t freak out at this one.  Skip to the next paragraph if you want to avoid it:)))  Like the crocodile farm it was depressing but also a little human.  For some reason the Lonely Planet steered us to a place called Supergirls, which didn’t seem any different from the others being touted by the little dudes pushing menus in our faces while saying “ping pong show.”  But that’s where the Lonely Planet sent us and that’s where we went.  Inside, were several very real looking women, giggling on stage, looking bored, and then moving coke from bottle to bottle with their vaginas, giving birth to ping pong balls (of course), and (amazingly) blowing out birthday candles and popping balloons with darts they’d popped out of themselves.  Hmm.  I’m not really doing this adventure justice. Let’s just say we only lasted through three of the ten or so acts,  there was no sex on a flying motorcycle like the Lonely Planet promised, but we did enjoy when the birthday candle blower-outer couldn’t do her thing and had to get a replacement up on stage to do the deed– very professionally I might add.
 
Tomorrow we’re off to Ayuttaya and then onto Chiang Mai.  Probably we’ll write you again there.  Liza, Stephen, and Arielle, big ups for recommending Shanti Lodge.  We love the atmosphere, that it’s away from the crowds, and, of course, the pineapple lassis.  Thanks.
 
To all of you I have to write back to individually (especially you Dad), I promise I will ASAP.  Let me know if you want off this list.  I won’t be offended.  Promise.
 
xoxoxoxo -Phil (with Josh muttering over my shoulder and correcting my spelling/grammar)